It Built All Week
The beginning of the week started out decent, but it slowly unraveled.
Monday, I made dinner. Planned, prepped, cleaned everything, ate by myself, set his food aside, and asked him to put his dish in the dishwasher and press start. He did it.
Tuesday, same process. I made dinner, cleaned everything, ate alone, set his food aside. He came out around 9pm, ate, and left his dish in the sink. I got frustrated and put it in the dishwasher myself. I shouldn’t have to ask him to do something that basic. This is not a new conversation.
Wednesday was worse. I was exhausted. I hadn’t slept well and dinner took more effort than usual. As I sat down to eat, he looked into the kitchen and before he could say anything, I told him I wasn’t done cleaning yet and needed to eat before I passed out. He just stared at me and then said he hoped I was ready for him later that night. I told him no. That didn’t go over well.
He immediately asked what my problem was. I told him I was exhausted, it was almost 7pm and I was just now eating, and he hadn’t helped with anything. Not cooking, not keeping the dogs out of the way, nothing. I told him this is exactly why I’ve started to hate making dinner. I do everything by myself, and he doesn’t even have the courtesy to put his dish in the dishwasher. I also mentioned the clothes sitting in the dryer since Sunday. He said I never asked him about them, so I shouldn’t make things up. I told him I shouldn’t have to ask.
He stomped off, called me ridiculous, and said he was doing the right thing by staying out of my way. He made more comments that were clearly jabs but not direct. Later, he ate the dinner I made and left his bowl in the sink again. Before bed, I cleaned it out, put it in the dishwasher, and ran it. No further conversation.
Thursday, I got up early, took a shower, got ready, handled the dogs, and worked. He stayed in bed most of the day watching TV and scrolling. Earlier in the week he said if I wasn’t making dinner, to let him know by 3pm. So I texted him at 2:30 letting him know I didn’t have it in me to cook. No response.
After work, I went into the bedroom and it was pitch black. I asked if he was sleeping. He said no. I asked what he was doing sitting in the dark. He said nothing. I went to the living room and watched TV.
Later, he got up loudly, turned on the NFL draft, yelling and reacting to the TV in an exaggerated way. It felt intentional. I stayed to myself. He came out a few times asking who I was texting. I didn’t respond. I stayed on the couch until he turned it off, then I went to bed.
This morning, 4/24 at 8:52am, he came into my office and said he doesn’t think I’m being faithful. Said whatever is going on with my computer and phone is the problem. Then he went into another rant about how I do nothing, how lazy I am, and how I don’t know how to treat a man. He questioned why I took a shower yesterday morning, implying I must have been getting ready for someone else. Now even taking a shower is an accusation.
Meanwhile, for the past four days, he has stayed home, mostly in bed, watching TV and scrolling through watch content. If I did that, I would never hear the end of it.
By 11:11am, he was still going. This is where I lose it. Anyone would. It’s constant. Passive aggressive comments yelled through the house. He started vacuuming while ranting about how he has to do everything or it won’t get done. Accusing me of being up all night on my computer talking to people. Making up random names. Mocking me for drinking protein shakes. Mocking interactions from the past few days.
It’s constant.
We’ll see how the rest of the day unfolds.
Its a pattern:
☐ Double Bind (No-Win Situation)
☐ Moving the Goalpost
☐ Subtle Blame
☐ Irritability without explanation
☐ Withholding / Emotional Distance
☐ Lack of Repair (No return to normal)
☐ Deflection (switching topics instead of addressing the issue)
☐ Projection (accusing you of what he is doing or feeling)
☐ Reality Distortion
☐ Control Through Confusion
☐ Verbal Degradation (put-downs, mocking, repeated criticism)